heavy matter
Драконы не существуют, но не существуют они по-разному. ©
31.12.2017 в 02:47
Пишет Katherine Shep.:

Это так эпично, что я не могу не принести :lol:

Alliance: Sheppard we've lost communication with the moon what could be the reason?
Shepard: reapers
Alliance: ahah yeah sure
Reapers: BWAAAAAAAAHH HELLO TINY FUCKERS
Alliance boss: holy shit a reaper why no one warned us about this
Shepard: (ノಠ益ಠ;)
---
Anderson: take the Normandy and save the galaxy once again child
Shepard: I killed 300.000 batarians I should be in prison tho
Anderson: yeah don't worry about that we cool
---
Hackett: ShepRAD you have to go to mars to find some fricking answer hurry
Shepard: okay let me get this straight
Shepard: it's been 3 years since I first talked about reapers, I died and resurrected, I saved everyone from Saren first and from the collectors second, I've been under arrest for several months and no one even tried to get some motherfuckin information
Shepard: now reapers are attacking us and you bitches sent me to find a solution to this highly anticipated disaster?!
Hackett: basically
Shepard: all right let's do this
---
Liara: yooo Shrapnel look what I found
Shepard: what is this project
Liara: idk
Shepard: what does it do
Liara: idk
Shepard: it will help against reapers
Liara: idk but it's Prothean
Shepard: so we're supposed to spend a bazilion of money and employ trillions of workers to build a huge penis-shaped artifact and we're not even sure if it's gonna work?
Liara: ya
Shepard: well sounds like a good plan to me
---
Shepard: OMG this sexy weird-haired mech is killing that Virmire survivor what do
James: I got you bruh *crashes on the mech with a ship*
Shepard: James what the legit fuck
James: I did it because I seek attention
Shepard: aw baby what's wrong
James: I'm unromanceable
---
Garrus: that my planet and reapers are destroying it
Shepard: shit son you all right
Garrus: yeah can I calibrate something on the Normandy later
Shepard: you can calibrate my ass
Garrus: Sherpes no
Shepard: Sherpes yes
---
EDI: hello I entered in that mech I got a body now
Joker: I'll fuck that robot or I'll die trying
Joker: literally
---
Reaper: ahah I'm having so much fun killing krogans that's the life man
Kalros: son of a bitch
Reaper: HOLY SHIT *dies*
Krogans: yeee
Kalros: only I can kill krogans
Krogans: fuck
---
Mordin: I perfectionated genophage it took all my life
Mordin: which means like 2 months
Mordin: now I changed my mind and I create an antidote but spreading it on Tuchanka requires my death
Shepard: OMG no
Mordin: prepare to cry bitches
---
Tali: holla
Shepard: hey lil' mama how you doin'
Tali: it's Admiral Tali'Zorah fo you bitch
Shepard: dang chill out bae
Han'Gerrel: good Shepard and Tali entered the geth Dreadnaught now
Han'Gerrel: everyone attack the Dreadnaught quick we must sink that ship before it's too late
Shepard: DUDE WTF WE STILL ON BOARD
Han'Gerrel: so fucking what
Shepard: dude
---
Legion: do you remember the question that caused the creators to attack us, Tali'Zorah?
Legion: "does this unit have a fine hot ass?"
Tali: it does ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Legion: thank you tali I know *dies*
---
Javik: *wakes up after a 50000 years nap* where's my breakfast
Liara: OMG wise prothean enlight me with your deep knowledge of the universe
Javik: hurry up with my damn croissant
---
Liara: you ugly four-eyed bugface your race tricked the asari for your purposes
Javik: damn girl you're cute when you want to kill me
Liara: I'll be fucking beautiful in a minute then
---
Miranda: Shepard my father took my sister as a hostage help me please
Shepard: let Oriana go you son of a yahg
Miranda's dad: shit ok but don't kill me tho
Miranda's dad: here Oriana is free can I go now
Shepard: no
Miranda: *kills her father* I love you Shep
---
Illusive Man: here I am did you missed me Shepair?
Shepard: kill yourself Impositive Man
Illusive Man: damn I'm so mad *shoot Anderson* *shoot himself*
Shepard: woah
---
Catalyst: so uhm we fucked up a little yes now you have to choose between 3 possible ending listen here: destruction, synthesys or control
Shepard: which is the one where I survive
Catalyst: ahah no sorry you'll die anyway
Shepard: shit you know what? Fuck you *shoot the Catalyst*
Catalyst: OMG this hoe killed me WTF
Hackett: Shepard you did it motherfucker
Hackett: reapers stopped attacking us, mass relays are still working and Thane and Mordin resurrected
Shepard: fricking nice
Anderson: I'm alive too bitch!
Anderson: OMG reapers are giving everyone a puppy and a piece of cake, salarian are chillin with krogans and Joker broke himself every bone while fucking EDI
Joker: totally worth it
EDI: speak for yourself
Shepard: ah yas this is how it should be very nice thank you all



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@темы: Mass Effect